Are you edifying your husband?

Many of my readers know I have a different stance of submission and/or obedience to one's husband than most of the western world.  I believe strongly in upholding the Biblical headship.  I didn't always have such a stance, but back in 2001 God opened my eyes on this matter.  In I Corinthians 11:1-16 it says the headship order is God, Christ, Husband, Wife. 

Various other scriptures speak in strong terms that a wife should be obey/reverence/respect/submit to her husband.  Many ladies who have come to wearing a headcovering or have at least studied on the issue, realize they are supposed to let their husband lead.

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). 
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands…” (1st Peter 3:1). 
“To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:5). 
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan” (1st Timothy 5:14,15). 
“Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (1st Peter 3:6). 
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24). 

However, what I would like to talk about isn't really outright disobedience.  It is more like purposefully or willfully irritating your beloved.  I think most have done so at one point. 
I don't mean when the two of you may be teasing one another playfully.  Playing is okay.  :-)

I mean when you decide to go and do something that you know full well your husband will not be happy with. He may not have issued a directive one way or the other.  It may simply be doing something you know in your heart it will displease him. 
It may even be something silly like decorating intentionally with a color you know he hates looking at.   Maybe putting meals in the regular rotation you know he absolutely hates?  ( I am totally guilty of this one) Perhaps you alter your personal appearance in a way you know he does not approve?  It might be you want something your way, and you just go ahead and act without really discussing a change even though it might be something that is meaningful to him.

I am not trying to say a wife can't make decisions or is incapable of such.  There are certainly things a husband may delegate to his wife's domain and authority.  If that is something fine with him...awesome.  That is not what I am talking about either.

What I mean is a most basic consideration of another human being.  Treat others how you wish to be treated.  Be kind, be loving, be selfless.  Put the one you love, before yourself.  Think of what will please his heart.  Think of what will bless him, rather than vex him.  It is not a fruit of the spirit to intentionally vex people, spouse or not.  If you wouldn't want it done to you, then don't do it to him.

I see sisters treat their husbands in ways they'd never treat a friend or a fellow church member.  This is your beloved.  Your special love.  Surely we sisters should hold a higher standard in how we treat our very mates.  Another are of concern is how you speak of your mate as well.  Do you speak to others about him positively?  Do you betray private information?  Do you lift his name rather than trash it to your friends?

Lift his name, don't ruin his reputation.  Do not lie of course, but do look to the positive things about him.  Speak kindly of him that his name may garner respect.  Talebearing is sinful no matter who it is about.  Are you doing this about your husband?  God forbid.  Again...treat him how you yourself wish to be treated.

These things include when he treats you with less kindness than he should.  We should always strive to treat others kindly, showing ample love and forgiveness.  This is our witness to all!  The scripture says a wife can win her husband to salvation when she follows a Godly path.

When you go about the little things in life, think of him.  When you speak to others of him, chose your words carefully.  Ask what I am about to do or say pleasing to God first and foremost?  If it passes that vital test, then ask....  Is it pleasing to my husband?  Will it bless and edify him?  Will it vex and potentially hurt him?  Will it discredit his feelings in favor of your own?

Ponder these things prayerfully my dear sisters in Christ.  May we all resolve to have fruits of the spirit in dealing with all relationships and people.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. " (Galatians 5:22-23)


  1. I agree with you 100 percent and have experienced with reading what people write about their husbands in a disrespectful manner. Some people grow and learn and have resentment, but others don't realize it and believe it is normal and part of society to be disrespectful. Thank you Sister

  2. Excellent post my sweet sister :) I came to salvation after I was married to my first husband. Biblical marriage has been a huge force in my faith from day one. I saw as I became fruitful he came to repentance. Then I saw as I learned to submit to him that he learned to seek God in his own decision making. We ended up renewing our vows in a covenant marriage and God restored our hearts and our marriage in a way I never would have thought possible. He was killed a little over 3 years ago in a motorcycle accident; I know we will praise the living God forever and ever together one day. For now I'm learning to submit in a new marriage with a blended family. This is more challenging, but God is able. His power is made perfect in weakness. God bless you today for your writing and your faithfulness.

    1. Thank you for sharing that very personal story. It is certainly a reminder to live each day as God would have us do so that we may not have regrets later. I am so blessed to hear of another sister who doesn't view a Biblical marriage as a bad thing. It is so beautiful when one really opens their heart up. May you and your family be greatly blessed sweet Michelle.


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